I was recently feeling frustrated and tired after working on a difficult grad school paper for much of my weekend. The deadline was looming, and I felt pressure to finish. But I needed a break, so I left the house with the intention of driving downtown and going to a bookstore.
When I walked out, I ran into my friend and his daughter, who rushed out of their house in high spirits. They enthusiastically greeted me, but I was exhausted and rushing to leave. I explained my predicament while backing away down the driveway.
As I drove away, I felt bad that I had been grumpy and unfriendly. And then I smiled, and accepted my grumpiness and the fact that I wished I'd behaved differently, and welcomed that I hadn't behaved differently.
When I got to the bookstore, I wandered around for about five minutes and realized I was not really interested in reading anything. I'd been reading and writing all weekend!
So I went outside and sat in the sun on the bench. As I sat there, I closed my eyes, and I just felt the sensations in my body of an emotional state of grumpiness, and of fatigue, and I observed the thoughts of grumpiness and fatigue arise and pass in my mind.
Paradoxically, this was very pleasant and interesting. It was about the most enjoyable thing I could imagine doing at the time!
The next day, I saw a friend who said he saw me on the bench and that I looked downtrodden and downcast. And I was--but at the same time, I was happy and fulfilled, because it was pleasant and enjoyable simply to experience those thoughts and feelings fully!
